I've always felt very in-tune with what sexuality is; how I define it. Out of curiosity, I googled it to see how the dictionary defines it.
capacity for sexual feelings.
"she began to understand the power of her sexuality"
synonyms:sensuality, sexiness, seductiveness, desirability, eroticism, physicality;More
Besides the obvious definition of one's sexual preference, all the definitions leaned toward the act of sex or intentions to have sex; synonyms society and media usually portray on women (ie. seductiveness, desirable). The definition was also based on superficial physicality.
As a little girl, when I asked my mom what something meant, she would often say "go look it up in the dictionary." How would this definition feed a young girl? Negatively. She would have a false sense of what power is. How does religion (better yet, how many perceive religious beliefs) feed a young girl? It can be boxing; feeling that there is a right or wrong and that the higher power may be upset at the choices she makes; more so than other choices not related to her sexuality, and more so than the choices her male counterpart makes.
I find all of theses beliefs, guidelines, whatever you want to call it, as defining sexuality by validations from sources not found within. This is so toxic to place this sense of validation in young girls without molding them that, yes, these principles may have good intentions, but the choice is yours; its your body. So much emphasis is placed on trying to determine what is right or wrong, what will get you a relationship, what will make you happy, what will protect you, that we forget to instill the power of owning our sexual identities.
Chill. ( Particular conservatives or religious folks throwing bible verses at me right now). Im not promoting having sex whenever with whoever. You have just fell into my point that people focus on "SEX" in the word SEXUALITY. Not to be confused, here is my definition:
SEXUALITY: the deeper intentions of physicality; the ownership and acceptance of one's body and the power to harness it; the choice of expression. Preferably, in positive ways that feed the spirit and respect the body; inhibiting confidence.
This means so many different things to me. This means a young African American girl being comfortable in wearing her natural hair in a room full of white girls. This means knowing that there's no such thing as being too skinny or too big; too pale, too dark. This is the choice to be sexually active or abstinent. This is not seeking validation, but liberation. This is not being afraid to be right or wrong; but to be YOU. To know that your body is your responsibility; no one else's; living your life in accordance to your needs; your wants.
Why are people so afraid to tell this to young people? Scared it might liberate them a little too much? LOL sorry to break it to you; they're going to do what they want to do regardless. I honestly think that if we instilled the power of CHOICE in young people, particularly young girls, they would make better decisions. If a young girl is always seeking validation on what she can do with her body ( hair, clothes, nails, tattoos, etc) she is always searching for permission. This habit will stick, and when she becomes a young lady ,the decisions will have more risks, but she will be searching for permission from someone else; not herself. Yes, educate them on the risks and typical responses to their decisions, but do not blind them from knowing there is a CHOICE.
I personally have experienced all of the above. I have never felt more confident in my sexuality and I think it is solely based on knowing that I am the same person no matter what I do. If my spirit is healthy, then the choices I tend to make will follow. In knowing that my choices come from a deeper, spiritual place ( despite opposing beliefs) , I know that my sexuality does not indicate that I lack intellect, inner-beauty, or self worth. It does not compromise my being. I refuse to choose what side of myself to be; they are all simultaneously one being.